New Year …Same You?
The holidays are officially over and its time for everyone to take a deep, soothing breath. These past few weeks were joyous for some of us, tragic for others, and stressful all around the table. I sincerely hope that no one is fretting about the start of a brand new year, because its nothing to stress yourself out about. In fact, I like to use New Years as a time to finally relax and maybe even be a little bit smug about how I view this holiday, versus how other people view it. I get a sick pleasure out of thinking about how many people waited for January to commence becoming a better person and then stop caring in about a week. Most people don’t even make it week- they squeeze themselves into a pair of bike shorts on the 1st and are hitting the “Snooze” button again on the 2nd. I’m not entertained by seeing other people fail. On the contrary, I relish the thought of people wanting to better themselves and succeeding by putting in the hard work required. What I find entertaining is that there are 365 days in a year, but January 1st is when people decided to finally do their thought/behavior inventory. Better yet, people realized in the middle of the year that they had flaws that needed amending and then consciously decided that whatever it was could wait until the transition of decades to be addressed. That does not indicate a real, sustainable desire of change.
2020 was a crapshoot year, I’ll give ya that. The status quo of nothing has seemed to apply, New Year’s resolutions included. I have found it unsettling, however, that so many addicts have used 2020 as an excuse to either relapse or put off getting sober all together. 2020 was hard. Getting sober is hard. 2020 made getting sober that much harder. We were all isolated and the majority of our interests, hobbies, social interactions, jobs, and connections were cancelled. If you work in retail or the medical field, your world became increasingly more strenuous, dangerous, and, therefore, unbelievably stressful. All of these factors in totality make a world where going without drugs or alcohol seem completely undoable, instead of just undesirable. My problem with the blanket excuse of the year 2020 is that it promotes the false idea that radical change can be impeded by, well, anything. When someone truly wants to change their behavior, absolutely nothing will stop them, because its not just about the behavior. Its about the mindset. If it were simply about stopping the behavior of using my elbow to lift my arm that attached to my hand that was wrapped around a bottle that was elevated to my lips… I never would have been an alcoholic, let alone a recovering alcoholic.
The reason why real changes rarely stem from New Year’s resolutions is because they are resolutions, not revolutions. You don’t become a better person by vowing to be miserable on an elliptical machine 3 times a week. Something has to click. Your mind has to finally take a turn towards a greater purpose, and from there, every move you make, big or small, has a meaning. Excuses are no longer tolerated because they don’t do anything to help you move forward. With the kind of mental momentum you have, forward is the only direction you are willing to go.
I wish I could explain the “mental shift” and “call to change” more effectively, but I can’t. Its one of those things that has to happen in its own way, in its own time. It’s frustrating because I also know what its like to want change and need change in my life, but still have the mental blocks that wouldn’t allow it. Do you have any idea how badly I wanted to stop drinking and for how long I wanted to stop drinking before my mind would allow me to do it? I wanted to stop desperately. For years. The sincerest part of my heart and the richest part of my soul wanted it to end, but addiction said, “No. Not yet.” I thought I’d have to kill myself for my need to drink to ever go away.
The change, for me, didn’t come with a “bang!” or a “ta-da!” It did not come with an overdose or a DUI. The change rolled in one day, strong, but soft, like thick, wet air before a rainstorm. I wasn’t pressured at all. I had the time, the space, and the support to really take a step back from my life and evaluate what was working and what was not. Drinking was not working. Once I realized that my best coping mechanism was my worst enemy, I knew I had to stop. And I wasn’t going to wait until New Year’s Day to start the stopping. A new way of life was ripe for the picking and it was mine to harvest. The nightmare was over. I was wide awake.
2020 became a boost rather than a burden for me. I figured, if I could get, and stay, sober through a pandemic, I could stay sober through anything. Trust me, there were days when there was literally no where to go but the liquor store and nothing to do but drink away my garbage reality, but I made it through. I’m not magic, it was just time for me to move on with my life in a direction away from alcoholism. If 2020 was a speedbump in your recovery, then your journey isn’t over yet. Don’t blame the year or the circumstances for your continued struggle, keep the blame on the treachery of addiction where it belongs. There are 365 days in a year, just because you didn’t make any great strides toward a better life on January 1st doesn’t mean you can’t make great strides tomorrow. What little orphan Annie forgot to mention is that you will eventually run out of “tomorrows,” which I why you can’t wait until New Year’s Day of 2022 to start a revolution.
Like Walt Whitman, I fear that I have contradicted myself again. I’ve said “yes” to tomorrow and “no” to tomorrow in one sitting. What I was aiming to convey is that you shouldn’t give up on change just because you weren’t ready for it when the Swarovski crystal clad ball dropped. I also don’t want any addicts thinking that they can keep banking on quitting the next day, because you will run out of “next days,” I promise you that… Here’s the thing about addicts and tomorrows: If you are an addict and you failed today, then tomorrow you get up and you try again. You try until you get it right. You try until your heart, your mind, and your synapses all catch up to one another. That time will come if change is what you truly want. It doesn’t matter where planet earth is in its revolution for your revolution to finally begin.
